


when I'm fucked up (that's the real me)

by outofaith



Series: it's pointless to be high [4]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Cocaine, Collars, Dom/sub, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, F/M, Grammy Awards, Implied orgy, M/M, Methamphetamine, Multi, Rich Liam Payne, Rich Zayn Malik, Sex Tapes, Singer Zayn Malik, Weed, socialite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:47:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22270534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outofaith/pseuds/outofaith
Summary: Liam doesn't care. At least not to what people think about him and how he lives his life. Now about Zayn, he cares about Zayn. He was never one to lie to himself and he wasn't about to start now. So it's not healthy, it never is, but if there's one thing Liam knows about himself is that he doesn't care. He never did.
Relationships: Zayn Malik/Liam Payne, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne/Harry Styles, implied
Series: it's pointless to be high [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1454833
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	when I'm fucked up (that's the real me)

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's placed in 2020 but I don't care and Zayn is singing TiO because it's dirty and it makes me horny, what about it? 
> 
> Again, please don't follow my example and do this things in real life. Thanks, be fucking safe and enjoy.

Liam could have guessed the consequences of their actions a month ago but, alas, he was high on sex and weed and he never before cared, so, why start now? Everytime they went out, alone to mind their businness or together to a party or dinner or whatever, the number of paps following them was absurd, even bigger than before.

He couldn’t say that he minded, though, was used to it ever since he was a child and being dragged to his parents’ company events and once he started to go out on his own and developed too many issues to count, the number increased – Zayn, however, was a different story.

They had been labeled as lovers and, subsequently, boyfriends. Debauchery, mysterious, cunning and devious were often linked to their names that always seemed to come together now on the press. The “Fallen Angels” of Manhattan and “Dark Royalty” always appearing in the middle of whatever tabloid and news channel they were on at the time. They never cared about that, always doing whatever they pleased. “Wilde would be proud of us.” Liam remember Zayn saying at some point last week, when they were high on molly and sipping 43 as they overlooked the busy Upper East Side night from Liam’s penthouse’s balcony.

“The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself, with desire for what its monstrous laws have made monstrous and unlawful.” Liam remember looking over at him them, his collar – his favorite one, looking at home in Zayn’s neck, complementing his tattoos, he looked like he belonged in a framed Michelangelo. “He said that in Dorian Gray and that’s what we’re doing, don’t you think? Giving into our urges and trying to make the best of it.”

Liam stepped so he could wrap his arms around Zayn’s sleek form, his sweatpants riding low on his hips, their cigarettes burning like fireflies in the moonless night. “I think so.” He hummed. “I think our minds play tricky and twisted games on us, preventing us from thinking straight and making us do things normal people wouldn’t, indulge on them as well.” He looked down at the busy street. “I presume the universe’s way of making up to that is giving us money, and we can’t complain about that.”

“It would be funny, wasn’t it so tragic, that fucking corny shit about money not bringing happiness. It’s true, I guess, but it does make it easier to deal with everything.” His sardonic smile, Liam didn’t see it, but he knew was there – he didn’t say anything else but he agreed to every word.

Still, Liam wasn’t bothered by the amount of photographers following them around, but he knew the Pakistani man enough to know it made him feel uneasy. It was Zayn’s decision to post their picture and it was Zayn’s decision to caption it the way it was and to go out branded by Liam’s collar. Everyone knew that the two of them were not embarrassed by the slightest of the way they lived and the kind of sex they had. Never hid their close relationship to drugs and alcohol and the obscure ways they chose to have fun and yet, they still followed them around, shouting questions and slurs.

They didn’t give a shit about that, but Liam knew the way Zayn’s shoulders tensed just a little bit and that was enough to annoy him to no end. He didn’t care about many people – his parents, his two sisters, his niece Allea and Zayn; but he was overprotective about them all.

That led them to the present moment. They were papped dancing together at some clubs, snorting blow on the backstage of a fashion event, sharing joints and cigarettes outside on more than one occasion and that one time that they were doing meth with Steven Tyler during the Grammys, but they never went together to an event, properly, as a couple. And that was about to happen.

January, 26th of 2020. 62nd Annual Grammy Awards. Zayn had been nominated for Album of the Year, alongside Bon Iver, Lil Nas X, Lana Del Rey and Ariana Grande. To everyone who asked, he was calm and collected, looking as placid as always. But Liam could read the sub like no one else in the world and, beneath his neutral mask, his shoulders were tensed a bit too much and his hands had fingernails indents; whenever they did a scene he would ask for more and more and more until Liam had to call it off, because one more step and it would be too much.

They had decided to go together, their official debut as a couple. So, as always, they went about it the only way they knew how: throwing money at it – his mother always told him “You can be at your worst, but spend enough money to blind everyone else and no one will notice”.

So Liam bought himself a Hermés all-black tux, with black prints on the jacket, a black shirt buttoned to the top, his favorite Rolex, diamond cufflinks and a brooch of white gold, rubellites, black lacquer and diamonds signed by Cartier on his lapel. Zayn seemed to have come to the same conclusion given his all black outfit signed by Gucci, his shirt, opposing to Liam’s had a mandarin collar, which was perfect to Liam because it gave him the opportunity to give Zayn a new present.

“You can stop fretting now, pet, we have to leave in twenty minutes, you’re going to ruin your hair.” Zayn was breathtaking, with his hair like Johnny Depp.

The dark haired man pursed his lips and took a sip of his glass of Macallan, his hands tense as they lightened the third cigarette in fifteen minutes. “I’ve got something for you.” Liam murmured as he took a sip from his own glass. “C’mere.”

The singer studied him for a moment, eventually leaving his cigarette behind and approaching him. He didn’t say anything, they never needed a lot of words to understand one another. Liam’s eyes roamed over his lover’s face, retrieving a sleek black box – Harry Winston’s logo on top of it. Zayn eyed him, questions clear in his eyes. “I was keeping it to the right moment, I’m sure this is it.” Liam said, his voice deep and his eyes intense as he handed it over.

He watched as Zayn opened the box and stared for several moments to the object nestled inside. He blinked once, twice and looked up at Liam. “This is really expensive.” Was the first thing out of his mouth.

“When was that ever a problem?” Was the answer and it made the other man smile just a bit.

“You really want me to wear it tonight?” He asked and it was Liam’s turn to smile.  
“Tonight and whenever you feel like it.” Liam looked at him, deep into his hazel eyes and Zayn nodded. “Would you help me with it?” His voice was soft and timid, the way it only ever was during the aftermath of a particular kind of scene.

“Of course.” The taller man uttered and picked up the platinum collar, right in the middle of it a blood diamond and dangling from it a platinum tag “LP”. Liam stepped behind the sub and fastened it around his neck. There were many collars that could pass up as chokers, but not this one, with a tag with Liam’s initials. “Are you comfortable wearing it?”

The dom’s hands were placed on top of Zayn’s shoulders and he could feel the sub’s whole body relaxing, a small sigh leaving him. “Yeah. Yes, I am. Thank you.” He turned around then and looked up from under his eyelashes, a bashful look that was out of place on his face to anyone who didn’t know him enough. “Thank you, Daddy.” He repeated and Liam smiled warmly at him.

“I’m glad you like it, pet. Now, I believe it’s time for us to leave.” Zayn nodded and, together, they made their way to the elevator, reaching to lobby of the hotel and entering the Rolls Royce waiting for them.

As they made their way to the Staples Center, the closer they got, the clingier Zayn was and Liam indulged him. “Want something to help you focus, darling? You’re just about to drop.” Liam murmured as he kissed the top of Zayn’s head, careful not to ruin the perfect hair. Hazel eyes looked up at him and Liam knew that as soon as they stepped out of the car, the earnestness that both of them were radiating would disappear beneath a mask of nonchalance, they really were the best at it.

“What is it?” He asked and Liam allowed a smirk to creep into his face, Zayn’s own lips spreading into a devious grin once he saw what was being offered to him. Held up in Liam’s left hand was a baggie of blow, pure like it always was. “Ace.”

So they arranged themselves, asking the driver to roll up the partition and arranging perfect lines on top of one of Zayn’s books that was laying around. The Beautiful and the Damned. Quite fitting.

One, two, three lines and then five more and each of them were ready to leave the red carpet behind and fuck on the back seat. They were making out, fast and rough, just bordering the line of ripping clothes off when the car stopped. “Mr. Payne, Mr. Malik, we’re here.” The driver’s voice sounded making the two break apart.

“Alright.” Liam said, voice quiet. “Are you ready?” Zayn bit his lower lip, red and bruised from kissing. He took a deep breath and nodded. Liam smirked as he looked into the dilated pupils of the sub, knowing his own eyes were just as dark. From blow or from being turned on, maybe from both. He didn’t care, never did. He was just about to knock on the window so Albert could open the door when he glanced at Zayn’s hands. Trembling.

“Hey, look at me.” He softened his voice and his gaze. “It’s going to be just fine, if anyone bothers you, I’ll take care of them in a way that no one will ever think about giving you a hard time ever again.” His tone was serious. He meant it what he said to Zayn a while ago. He didn’t care for many people, but the ones he did, he protected.

Zayn’s breathing was shaky but he nodded and arranged two more lines on top of the book. He snorted those, arranged his hair one more time and took a bracing breath, his smile was filthy when he looked at Liam again. “I’m ready.”

Liam smirked at him and tapped the window. As soon as the door opened, Liam stepped out. He buttoned his jacket, looked around at the people who were outside, a lot of fans waiting for their idols to arrive, screaming and taking pictures. He schooled his expression into indiference with a hint of boredom, a mask he perfectioned when he was eleven. He turned back to the car and held out his hand.

Zayn stepped out then, to the joy of the photographers who were waiting outside and the screaming fans. He buttoned his jacket as well and looked at Liam once, a dirty smirk in place, he gripped his hand and together they went inside.

Once they made their way to the red carpet, there were celebrities everywhere, Liam would be awed had he not been so used to functions with people far more important than models or up and coming singers. An assistant quickly walked up to them to give directions.

“Mr. Malik, Mr. Payne. We were told you would come together, if you go this way, you will be photographed and then you can go inside whenever as long as you’re there when the event starts. Mr. Malik, you’re perfoming, so keep that in mind. When you get to the entrance someone will give you directions to your seats.”

“Thanks.” Zayn answered and they walked down the carpet, flashes coming from a lot of directions. They stopped to talk to Gaga, an acquaintance Liam made years ago, when she showed up in meat dresses instead of silk Versace. Taylor Swift also approached them, fake smile in place and Liam made sure to change his bored expression into a hostile one. He couldn’t stand the saccharine smile and the groping hands

They made to the place of the pictures and posed together, almost blinded by the flashes and hearing questions being shouted at them, they didn’t answer, kept their carefully crafted masks in place. Liam positioned himself so he could wrap his arm around Zayn’s waist and felt the Pakistani man relax a bit, saw from the corner of his eye how he lifted his chin, daring anyone to disrespect him.

They walked inside then and went to their places. Sat in the front row between Rihanna and Harry Styles, who was a friend of Zayn, quite close too, they had a threesome once, when they were all in Paris for a fashion event and then again after the Brits last year, Liam approved. The four of them made small talk for a while, Liam and Rihanna going far back, they slept together a couple of times and after he met Zayn the three of them got high together in many occasions. 

The Awards started then with a performance from a girl with blue hair and Liam took a flask from his pocket and offered to Zayn after taking a gulp. Macallan, his very best friend ever since he discovered that he could buy alcohol no matter his age, as long as he mentioned his last name and flashed a couple of bills. Fifteen, then.

It went on, until Zayn murmured to him that he had to go and get ready for his own performance, Liam nodded and was rewarded with a swift kiss, a filthy smirk and the promise of something else later on.

“I like the collar, always knew you were the claiming type.” Rihanna told him taking a swig from her own flask. If he knew her like he tought he did, it was vodka, the really expensive type. 

“You know me well enough.” He hummed and she laughed. He smiled at her, recognizing the depth of her voice as the one she always had when she had smoked a blunt or three.

“You got any of the good shit tonight, then?” She asked and it was his turn to laugh, Harry taking Zayn’s place, the three of them largely ignoring the ceremony. 

“You know Liam, Robyn, when doesn’t he?” Liam nodded his head and the three of them laughed. 

“You two gonna perform tonight then?” He asked and they nodded. 

“Gonna get out of this stuffy place and get wasted on the after party?” Harry asked, his own pupils dilated and Liam couldn’t understand how anyone thought anything apart from drugs when they heard Carolina.

“Ah, parties like this are always shit. We were thinking of hitting a club.” He glanced at their interested gazes and made his mind. Making his voice as nonchalant and possible and his grin as feral as he could he uttered next. “You could always tag along, we don’t mind the company.”

He watched as their eyes grew even darker and their smirks turned filthy. “You sure don’t.” Harry agreed.

Their conversation was interrupted when the entire place turned dark. He was quite curious about the details of the performance, Zayn was very secretive about it, just said it was going to be very explicit and asked permission to use some footage of them.

The introduction came on and with it red beams of light. You could see on the center of the stage Zayn standing behind a mic, dressed all in black. Tight leather pants, combat boots and a sheer black dress shirt gaping open with only the last three buttons done, his tattoos were proud and the collar he was wearing was obvious. Liam was surprised, he tought he would take it off. 

_“I can taste it on your mouth and I can't leave it, you're a freak like me Can't you see?”_

Behind him, on the big screen there was footage passing. Liam instantly recognized as the little snippets that they taped for one of Zayn’s music videos and some of them from their own personal collection. He knew Zayn was never going to put anything explicit but just knowing what they did before and after those was enough for him to feel his cock stirring. He took a gulp of his whiskey.

_“We can work this something out and I'm believin' you get off on me, it's like cheating”_

The footage behind Zayn showed them together inside the elevator at Liam’s building back in New York, Zayn had his legs wrapped around his waist while Liam held him up against the mirror and ripped open a shirt he knew was Armani and then walking them out of the elevator and inside the penthouse. He took another swig. 

As Zayn kept on crooning and making people sing along loudly and scream, Liam looked around, there were many people openly checking Zayn out, gazes hungry and feral. Liam smirked, his little exhibitionist boy. He was going to ravish him later.

_“Push me up against the wall, don't take it easy, you like it hard like me it's what you need”_

That time, the footage that appeared Liam recognized well. They wanted to make a sex tape, Zayn had a bit of a kink for those and Liam never minded. They appeared on the living room, Liam saw the big glass windows from his penthouse, New York’s skyline bright behind them, he saw the piano on the corner, the paintings on the walls and he stared with dark eyes at himself on the video, pushing Zayn against the window, holding his hands above his head and kissing him hard. Both of them shirtless.

He would love to say that he paid close attention to the rest of the black and white footage, but he was too busy staring at Zayn’s lithe form, his eyes hooded and a filthy smirk in place; Liam smirked right back. Zayn knew how many people wanted him at the moment, how many people were going to jerk off to those images, look at him and remember him with his arms pinned by Liam’s strong hands. 

“Please tell me you’ll share him?” Harry asked him from where he was staring straight to the big screen and biting his lip.

“Maybe.” Liam answered and from his other side, Robyn hummed and gulped down her vodka.

“Do invite me, please.” She basically purred.

Liam could be angry, could be territorial, could have his hand itching for a paddle so he could punish Zayn for letting the world see him like that. But he didn’t see the point in pretending, he knew Zayn was wearing a cock ring and that it was the only reason he wasn’t sporting a hard on in front of thousands of people. But he himself wasn’t, so he decided to take another swig, ball his hands into tight fists and try to picture his old teacher from high school in her underpants in order to not embarrass himself.

The performance ended, people went crazy, screaming and cheering and applauding and Zayn smirked at them. As soon as Zayn went backstage, Liam followed him there. He could feel eyes on his back and cameras following him, he didn’t care. Never did.

He got to backstage and passed many dressing rooms, he could feel everyone staring at him. He even stopped to talk to The Weeknd.

“Knew you’ll come this way, Payne.” He laughed and Liam smiled.

“Abel, it’s been a while.” He hummed and shook the hand that was offered to him. “Let me guess, you got the good stuff?”

“Always do.” His friend agreed. “Here, I’m going to be nice and share because I know exactly what you and your boy are going to get up to in a couple of minutes.”

“Ah, yes, you’re a good friend.” Liam teased and accepted the small black bag. “Listen, we’ll catch up later, okay? Zayn and I, Harry and Robyn are hitting a club, why don’t you join us?” He invited and saw the dirty smile on his friend’s face.

“Sure, and if I may, do think about invinting me to the after-after-party again. It was fun last time.” It was Liam’s turn to smirk.

“I’ll think about it.”

Finally, he got to the one with “ZAYN” spelled on the door, didn’t bother knocking, just went inside and closed the door. “You put on quite a show, pet.”

Zayn turned around from where he was changing his clothes and smirked. “You liked then?”

“I thought it was lovely.” Liam hummed. “I couldn’t focus much, was a bit busy trying not to get hard in front of the cameras. Had fun watching everyone else get turned on and not hiding it, though.”

Zayn grinned bashfully and Liam almost laughed, his pet knew how to tease him. “It was fun.” He said, accent thick.

“I got us something, Abel gave me and sends you his love. Says he misses you.” Liam showed him the black bag and Zayn eyed it. “Do you want it?”

“What is it?” Liam smirked at him and tossed him the bag. “Ah,” He said when he got a look at it. “Missed this lady.” Zayn grinned and Liam chuckled.

“C’mon.” He said as he sat down on the couch of the dressing room. They got the pipe ready and very soon their pupils dilated even more. “Fuck, I missed this.” Liam groaned as he felt the effects of the Ice kicking in. He let his head turn to the side where it rested on the back of the couch and took a look at Zayn through half-lidded eyes.

“Why are you staring at me?” Zayn laughed and Liam grinned.

“’Cause you’re very pretty.” The dom answered. “Love your fucking mouth.” He hummed and added after a bit of thought. “Love fucking your mouth as well.”

Zayn’s response was a deep chuckle and before Liam could think, he found himself with Zayn sitting on his lap and staring into his eyes. “I think you should fuck me.” He said and Liam’s smirk was dirty. “You think so?”

“I do.” The sub hummed. “And I think you should fuck me now.”

“Ah, you’re bossy tonight, aren’t you pet?” Liam said and let his hand trail over Zayn’s neck, his fingers going around the collar and pulling it forward so Zayn’s lips were grazing his. “Have you forgotten who’s in charge here?” Zayn whimpered, a sound he would forever deny and Liam grinned. “Well?”

“No, I haven’t.” He said, his voice raspy. “I promise.”

“Good.” Liam concluded and made quick work of their pants, his cock quickly filling up as the events of the night caught up to his clouded mind. 

They fucked quick and dirty, like two school boys hiding inside a classroom; stifling noises and making everything they could to finish as quickly as possible, preferably before they called Zayn’s name to announce if he won the fucking thing.

Next day, as they were nursing the aftermath of the party with Robyn, Harry and Abel, their voices scratchy from smoking one too many different things, their bodies sore from three very intense celebratory rounds of sex and their heads hurting from the whisky, their phones went off again, like they did three years ago.

On the front page of several magazines and newspapers, on the tabloids and news channels, Zayn’s picture receiving the Grammy was followed by several pictures of Liam watching the performance with dark, hooded eyes, of the two of them getting out of an exclusive night club, sharing dirty kisses with their friends inside the limo and Liam’s personal favorite: a picture of the hotel’s balcony with both of them half-naked, Zayn sat on it and Liam standing between his legs, smoking a cigarette.

Oh well, Liam pondered as he lit a cigarette and watched the sub’s sleeping form. They didn’t care. They never did.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like it, if you can, please give me kudos and a review, I appreciate it.


End file.
